At this time of year there is no shortage of catalogs to look through. They arrive daily, from which you can buy all manner of anything. Shoes, clothes, tools, and a plethora of things none of us needs.
I enjoy flipping through some of the clothing catalogs for the entertainment opportunities they provide. For their educational use. You know the catalogs I mean. They sell outdoor clothing, posed on a rugged-looking model who I wouldn’t trust with a butter knife.
Fortunately, there are a few things we can learn from these models, despite them. Here, we’ve gathered a few with replicated photographs to protect the guilty.
1. ALWAYS wear your shoes untied and loosely laced.*
This is canon. The ubiquitous outdoor clothing model undoubtedly wears his shoes untied, especially when doing things that are inherently dangerous or resemble work, like swinging an axe.
2. The best way to carry your axe…*
Unsheathed. Over your shoulder. With a sharp (brand-new, unused) blade inches from your spinal column. That way when you trip and fall, you’ll sever your spine before you hit the ground.
3. Hats off to you, clothing model.*
Bundled in the latest fashionable heavy coat, scarf, gloves, and factory-distressed jeans, the modern model foregoes the hat in favor of good hair. Especially in apparent scenes of cold, as with snow, mountains, or wind in the background.
4. ‘Tis better to look cool than to be safe.*
No need to look where you’re swinging your axe. ‘Nuff said.
Note: Power stance, stupid grin, and untied shoes required.
*This is sarcasm.
Stay safe this winter and holiday season. Be smart. Use common sense. Don’t take cues on outdoor skills from magazine models or TV shows. Teach the young people in your life how to dress appropriately for the weather, how to handle knife and axe, and how to think for themselves.
All the best in the months to come.